My darling boy was happily waving to me from the very top of the gymnasium thingamajig. What is that thing called? You know what I'm talking about, that giant thing in which no parent of normal size can possibly reach their child if they make it to the top and get stuck. I look away. I look back and Jakey's face has crumpled and he is bawling. I throw off my shoes and shoot up the steps like a Mama lion ready to pounce. Jake tells me this little girl hit him (later, I found out she actually kicked him and I misheard him) in the face. I asked if that was true and she confirmed. I told her "don't you hit my kid!" Yes everyone, I yelled at someone else's child. Sue me, beat me, call me names. That little terror hit my child. Terror-girl promises she wont do it again, and Jake comes down to get a bite to eat.
Less than two minutes later, children are pouring out of the play structure, tears running down their little faces in horror and pain. Bloody Mary bit one child hard enough to almost break skin, hit several other children, and kicked yet more. Children all around are crying and pointing towards the purple-shirted lunatic. Grandma sits by oblivious. She suddenly glances up and asks "what child did this? What color pants is she wearing?" You could tell by the "oh shit" look in her eyes she knew exactly what little darling was responsible for the mayhem surrounding her. She pulls darling little Terror-girl aside, gives her a brief time out, and releases her back into the wild. Half the parents grabbed their kids and left. We were one of them.
Perhaps I sound cold, perhaps some are thinking "oh, that poor little girl, she clearly lacks discipline and boundaries. Maybe her home life is less than savory. How dare you compare an innocent child to the bloodiest queen of all time?" Well, I don't give a shit. She kicked my child in the face. As I said, I originally thought she hit him, but later Jake said "remember that girl who showed me her stinky feet at McDonalds and kicked me in the face? She should be put in a cage!" Jake thinks anyone who does something bad should be put in a cage. The other day, I wouldn't give him more milk (seriously child, no one drinks half a gallon of milk a day!) and he banished me to the outside where I was to live in a cage. I swear, my child has never been put in a cage, except for the times when he crawled into my brother's dog crate on his own. Okay fine, I may have shut the door on it to take a picture, but I swear, I let him out right away!
2 comments:
You have to be careful when dealing with senior citizens. They didn't reach that age by being nice, civil people. They got there through cunning and, quite often, stone cold murder.
I've fought many a senior. Speaking from experience, the women are deadlier. American women, in order to survive, have to be tough. They have more to prove and have to be better than a man. If you see an old woman "hobbling" around you can be assured she is as deadly as a ninja and twice as sneaky.
If you have to take down a senior, which it sounds like you may, I say go for the head. Where the head goes, the body follows. Do not be afraid of brittle bones. Let me repeat that: Do not be afraid of brittle bones. The AARP promotes that myth. It helps with the sneaky aspect.
I don't have actual facts, but by my statistics, senior citizens are responsible for 93% of the homicides that occur in this country. That's a huge percentage. And those are only the ones that are discovered.
If the grandkid is this dangerous, the grandmother is probably a thousand times deadlier.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
I'm with Jacob, that kid needs some cage time!
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