Stir Crazy

I have an intense desire to get the hell out of this place for a night, a few days, forever. I don't know why it's so bad right now, maybe cabin fever or something. I just feel like I can't sit still, I can't stay in one place anymore. I want to grab my son, hop on the highway, and see where I end up. I know where I want to end up. Of course, there are several flaws with this plan that make it impossible. The first and foremost is that I don't drive on the highway. Merging scares the shit out of me. People flying by, big giant trucks ready to crush me, it's too scary for my anxiety-ridden being to take. I've driven on the highway twice in my life, both times out of absolute necessity. I hated it both times. I'm actually planning to overcome this fear shortly, but I'll never be able to make long trips that involve going through cities.

Second major issue, I'm broke, and going broker by the moment with no good prospects in sight. My car has crappy gas mileage lately, I keep hearing something about needing to put air in my tires, but that is beyond me at this point. (I'm only half kidding, it's pathetic really). I told my friend we should run away and waitress our way across the country. Again, there are flaws with that plan. I can't waitress. There is no way anyone is going to let me walk across the room carrying a tray with actual food on it. It would be dangerous to all around me. I can't even walk across the room carrying nothing without tripping over my own feet. I am the Queen of Klutz, and I wear my crown proudly, albeit crookedly.

Third, Jacob would be extremely pissed if we left all his toys and his dogs behind. I'm pretty sure he'd don a clown mask and torture me in my sleep if we left behind the Power Rangers, Spiderman, Planet Heroes, huge bin of Matchbox cars, the twenty gallons of Playdoh, Martian Matter, and all the scraps of random old toys that he refuses to relinquish.

So for now, I'm pretty much stuck here, wishing I was somewhere else and going out of my mind. Maybe I'll use some of this restlessness to actually clean my house and get rid of a bunch of crap. Doubtful though. Most likely I'll just continue to sit here bitching and moaning about things I can't do anything about right now. Divorces don't go faster because you whine, money doesn't grow on trees because you ask it to, and time doesn't past just because you cry about it.