Confessions of a bad morning Mommy

It is 10:30 AM fake time and I'm still trying to function. I refuse to accept any changes to the clock as being real time until several months have passed. I will walk around saying "it's 10pm, 9pm real time" until the middle of the summer. It drives my mom nuts. She likes Spring Ahead and extra daylight. I'm an equal opportunity time change hater. I used to love "Fall Back" because it meant an extra hour of sleep. Now it means my son will be waking up at 7 instead of 8. So I guess "Spring Ahead" means I get to get out of bed a pretend hour later, but it also means I have to wait an extra hour for peaceful time.

This morning I awoke to the sound of Jake singing "What do you do with a scurvy pirate?" at the top of his lungs. I brought him to bed with me, he chatted to me while I slept. He kept asking questions that I could have sworn I was answering, until his exasperated "Mommmmmeeeee!" makes me realize that I've only been answering in my head. Jacob likes to play in my bed while I sleep. In the past, he's brought blocks, trucks, superheroes, and giant stuffed animals in. This morning he brought a vacuum cleaner to bed. That was a new one. Nothing like waking up to find a cleaning implement staring you in the face. I'm wondering if it's a subtle hint that it's time to clean up all the fuzz balls that seem to leap off my dog faster than lemmings leaping off a cliff.

I am so awful at functioning in the morning that my son recently learned to change his own pull-up. He gets his own cup of milk (pre-made the night before) out of the fridge, and he finds his own breakfast. I guide him in that department. He'll bring Barbecue Pringles out, and I'll say "you can't have chips for breakfast! Get a Pop-Tart!" We lay on the couch together, and I rouse only long enough to change the episodes of Dora, Backyardigans, or Aqua Teen Hunger Force on the DVR. Yes, I let my kid watch Aqua Teen. He walks around singing "Meat Wad gets the honeys gee" all the time. The "educational programming only" Mommies everywhere would cringe at what I allow my child to watch. So far he hasn't tried to kill me. Well, there was that one time that he tried to push me down a mountain at the water park, but that doesn't count. I blame too much fresh air for that.

It's now 11am fake time. My son has been begging me to build a castle of blocks for the past half hour. He does not understand the concept of "trying to wake up." He rolls out of bed with more energy than I can muster even after fifteen cups of coffee. But his "Look at me Mommy! Help me Mommy! Play with my Mommy!" is starting to make me feel guilty, so it's time to launch into "good mommy" mode. I need more coffee.